Looking back

2012 started in the worst possible way for me - in bed, suffering the effects of yet another Major Depressive Incident. On New Year's Eve, my mind blew a "mental fuse", and I walked out of work and went AWOL. I wandered the streets of my city for several hours, in a mental fog, not knowing where I was going, or indeed, why. There was a moment, crossing the river, that I seriously gave thought to climbing the parapet and just throwing myself off. I didn't, but it was a tough decision not to. Eventually, I ended up at an out-of-hours GP surgery, where I broke down and demanded to be locked up. Luckily for me, my family were sent for, and I ended up at home, in bed, under the influence of heavy tranquillisers and anti-depressants.
I spent most of the month of January at home in bed, or sprawled on the sofa in front of the tv. Anti-depressants are not nice. They carry with them a range of side-effects including, but not limited to, drowsiness, insomnia, nausea, weight changes, vivid dreaming, dry mouth, increased sweating, trembling, diarrhea, excessive yawning, fatigue, headache, and dizziness. Anyone who thinks they are an easy way out from your problems is much mistaken. I'm no longer suffering from most of these, but still have issues with fatigue, excessive yawning, and dizziness.

Recovery was gradual, and I returned to work mid-February, being treated with kid gloves by everyone. Eventually, I had to speak to my manager and tell him I just wanted to be treated normally, not as a sensitive or high-risk person. My mood has gradually improved over the year, with occasional dips over the time, but then, my medication isn't "happy pills", it's "normal pills" - they give me a normal emotional spectrum. I was immensely heartened in March, when one of my comedy heroes, Peter Serafinowicz, tweeted publicly about his battle with depression (http://chirpstory.com/li/5480). He too, describes his medication, as "normal pills", and is on the same medication as myself.

Even with the medication, there are many people who I could not have managed without, and whose strength and support I was able to draw on. They know who they are, and I don't want to embarrass them but I have to mention Steph, Lesley, Johnny G, Steve, and Dawn. Thanks guys, for helping me through this patch, and I hope we all meet up soon!